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Sly and the Philosopher's Stone

Photo by Comstock/Stockbyte / Getty Images

Photo by Comstock/Stockbyte / Getty Images

So you've been looking for that special something to complete you.

That something to turn you into the person you dreamed you'd be. ME TOO!

If you got a second, I woke up with a dream that I need some help interpreting.

So, I was back in 11th grade Chemistry class. I knew it was 11th grade because I was still paying attention in class. 

Mr. Eshleman was talking about the Philosopher's stone again.  He always talked about that mythical stone that could turn one piece of matter into another.  

He was a scientific genius.  This was the guy that taught u, "the roads we must know"  basically connecting chemistry from the very elemental to the gross, teaching us the paths and equations that connect and make sense of the world.  Titrations, correcting for pressure, redox, changing units, rounding to the correct decimal place - if you don't know chemistry, just know the dude taught us how to navigate the physical world.

In the dream, I remembered him telling that story again about how in the 70's, he was offered a ton of money to make LSD for a hippy commune.  He turned it down on his decision day- leaving a letter of "thanks but no thanks" in the bus station locker that had the stacks of cash and instructions on how to cook it up in there - all for him if he chose to go that path.  He was that kind of standup dude, or an idiot.

"The stone," he said, "is something you can make out of everyday, banal objects-" he kind of clicked into a funny ironic hipster voice for a second, which really isn't like Mr. Eshleman, who in real life has that booming, talk from your gut voice that he swings around with his stomach through a throaty- I've smoked cigarettes my whole life rasp that spits words when he's excited.  

"Once you put the stone together, you're pretty much unstoppable.  Picture Thanos with the Infinity Gauntlet.  You'd rather someone good have all that power, you feel me?"  Again, this was only very loosely Mr. Eshleman, as we're in a dream.

"So, you know how lead and gold are only one electron away on the periodic table- if you had the stone, you could just dip your hand in that lead there and it'd be gold all of a sudden.  I mean think about it - we're all only a few genes away from our closest ancestors, the great apes, and even closer to our siblings.  Shucks, we share electrons when we touch.  Think about how things are so closely related, if we can just move a few electrons, we can change the world!"

He was inspiring the heck out of us, so the firecracker smart aleck I was said, "don't you think McDonald's already solved that one... turning that basic, soy-almost-meat-fulla-artificially flavored-garbage into money like they do on the daily?".

Mr. Eshleman didn't laugh, but a few of my fellow students did. 

... And then I woke up, with these words in my mind, "there is no philosopher's stone... you just gotta sell the lead."

So I'm curious, what's it all mean to you?  I mean, is it true...?  And if so, you got any good lead I can buy?   I could use a few decorations for the apartment...